Risking Our Marriage?
My wife is suffering from severe endometriosis and we were talking about her possibly having a hysterectomy. She asked me how I would cope with her being "crazy" all the time. Unfortunately I told her "I don't know" and what I didn't realize what she was really asking me was "are you going to stay with me?" My response wasn't meant to be taken seriously but she did and now she is saying she doesn't want to risk her marriage over the surgery.
I tried to reassure her that I could not foresee anything that would break our marriage up but she doesn't believe me and says "you didn't promise you wouldn't leave me." I was hoping someone might have some advice on how I can assure her that I am not going anywhere and help her feel secure that she is not risking her marriage over her health. I want her to be healthy and I am not going anywhere.
A hysterectomy is a very emotionally charged surgery for many women. There are fears that it will make her less feminine and desirable. A woman's self image can be closely tied to her reproductive organs. At the time her period starts a standard comment is 'you are a woman now' so the concern is "what am I know?" without these organs. So it isn't surprising that your comment generated the response it did.
Now what can you do? For more grand gestures is there a place that holds special memories for the two of you? A restaurant or vacation place? You could arrange a special time both pre and post surgery as a special bomding time. Don't forget the simple gestures as well. A hug, a kiss and a heartfelt "I love you and I will be here." Repeated over and over as many times as she needs to hear them will go far. Special handwritten notes or cards tucked Under her plate or pillow. Special gestures like a foot or back rub to reduce stress.
The big thing to remember is that this is not a "one and done" situation. Her insecurity means you have to reaffirm your committment as often as she needs to hear it.