Intimacy even in the little ways?

Hello everyone

I know that my wife is going through an emotional time in her life but so is her husband...we have only been intimate a few times since her operation and she acted as though she enjoyed it mildly(still tender)...but we have come to a point in our relationship where she doesnt want any intimacy at all..this would include hugging ,kissing ,and even holding hands..she says she feels crowded and that I am pushing for to much to soon...

I must admit we have had some pretty heated arguments over this and we both agree that it is destroying our marriage...she says that she knows it is a problem but she is not sure when it will go away if not at all...I have told her that she is worth waiting for and that my love for her has not changed...but in the same breath I also said that I didnt want a room mate, I want a wife who shows me how much she loves me and cares about the simplests ways....hugging,kissing,holding hands.and telling me she loves me....

Please help if you can, she is on the patch but stopped abruptly for about 2 months...she has been back on it now for about a week but openly says the only reason she is back on it is for me...she hates any kind of pills or anything she feels she has to be a slave me please.

From the HysterSisters:


You sound like you are torn between truly loving and caring for your wife, and feeling the frustration we all feel when things aren't going right in the romance department. First, I hope you know that it's not about you. Your wife has gone through a lot just in having this surgery, and it sounds like she also has trouble dealing with the idea of depending on a medication to feel her best.

How long ago was your wife's surgery? If it's only been a few weeks or even a few months, her response sounds like that of many women after this surgery. It does take time to find our way back to feeling like being touched and held when we have had such a major transformation in our bodies. However, if it's been more than several months, then it sounds like it's time for you both to try to sit down and figure out how you can enlist her DR's help in helping her return to her 'old' self (only better ).

Has your wife joined this website and visited our Hormone Jungle and Sexual Dysfunction boards? If she hasn't, you could encourage her to do so... she would find many others who are feeling similarly to the way she is, and perhaps get some ideas there that you both could take to her DR for discussion.

The patch is a great way for women whose ovaries have been removed to replace the estrogen they are no longer making. If changing the patch once or twice a week, depending on brand, is bothersome to her, she could ask her DR about trying either injectable estrogen (requires occasional trips to the DR for the injection but nothing on her part in between); estrogen implants (tiny pellets injected under the skin and replaced every few months, again requiring an office visit but no maintenance on her part); or Femring, which is a flexible plastic ring inserted vaginally that delivers estrogen more or less continuously for about 60-90 days and then is just removed and replaced with a new one. Perhaps one of those options might appeal to her.

Also, she could ask her DR to request testing for her serum levels of free and total testosterone. Testosterone is associated with desire, and many, if not most, women who have their ovaries removed experience low enough testosterone levels that without some form of replacement, their sex drive suffers. If she is found to have low testosterone levels, there are several options for replacement. One popular method is using a compounded testosterone cream, which is a great option because of its flexibility (dose can be adjusted easily by the patient) and the fact that very small amounts of testosterone are used relative to oral medications. If she truly doesn't want to have to do anything at home, then she could consider either injections of depo testosterone or implantable testosterone pellets, both of which are done at the DR's office.

I hope I've given you some ideas to talk over with your wife, and I encourage you to urge her to visit us. We would love to share our experiences with her and hope we could help you both by doing so.