Please understand.

by emcofield

Dear Honey,

I'm sorry I tried to start cleaning the kitchen today, just three days post-op. I know what the doctor said, I know I shouldn't be doing ANYthing and I know that you will do it... eventually. But the thing is, my friends are bringing dinner. And our house is a wreck. I know you were relaxing and seeing me try to do it forced you to get up and work but I just can't sit by and watch people come into the house where there are dishes all over and a bathroom that looks like someone peed with a fire house and hoped to hit the toilet. I can't let people come over and see our house this way. Because as silly as it sounds, it feels like a reflection on me. A bad one. Yes, people will understand I just had surgery. But they will also think-- why didn't she ask someone to do it? Or why didn't she clean up before her surgery? I know these women will ask that. They've said worse around me. I've said worse around them. The worst part is... and again, this sounds stupid, but... the worst part is that if I can't keep my house in order and I don't have my uterus and I can't even think of being a sexual being right now... just what kind of woman am I??? I want to clean up and can't. I want to help and can't. I don't want you to do it all, because I know you're tired too. I just really need you to understand right now. Because I'm not sure I do, I just know that I need you to.