To my lost husband

For the past 9 years you have been my rock, the one that's been there for the loses I've suffered for the health scares for everything!
I know it hasn't always been easy and that at times it's felt like the end I know I can be a ***** and you can feel alone. But I want you to know that I'm so angry and hurt and feeling so very betrayed right now I love you and the kids more then life it's self you are my everything! But now I have lost you just gone I don't know where I will find the strength to continue down this road alone without you! Sometime in the next 6 weeks I'll be having all my lady parts removed I'm 30 yo and I don't know if I can do it without you by my side I know it's now my only real option and that the drs say I should feel better after it but I don't think I can do it! Why choose now to leave why can me and the kids not be enough?? I just wish there was a way for you to love me as much as I love you