So Angry

by bigday9/10/12

Right now, I hate you. You say you want me as your wife but, here I sit alone. I hate you because you don't understand and you don't try to. Your ****ing mason meeting was more important than coming home to check on me. I hate you because if I want a hot meal, I have to cook it myself and I am not able to without pain. I hate you because I trusted you to take care of me after this surgery. My second surgery in less than three months. You are not supportive. You don't get credit for cooking two meals in three weeks. I hate you because I am home alone and you are out drinking with your "buddies". I wish you were a better man. I wish you were the man I need you to be. I wish that I was healed. I hate being dependent upon someone who doesn't know what its like to be home for three weeks, with no escape.

I'm angry with you "family" you don't come over to see how I am doing. You barely call. I am second to everyone else's needs when I put all of your needs above my own. I babysat your child, my nephew, after working night shifts, so you could finish school. I paid for prom dresses and beauty appointments. I don't know if everyone thinks I am made of teflon and everything will bounce off of me. Do you think I am healed? I can barely stand up staight. I go to follow up appointment alone. I sometimes wish that God would have taken me on the table. I can't take anymore pain and disappointments.

I am angry because all of you have failed me. I am angry that I put my faith in you. I am angry because you will do it again and I will be hurt. All. Over. Again.