To MY Michael

by rjmichal

You are a good and loving man! I can't believe how gentle and patient you are with me.
I feel like I've cheated you out of your own babies. I couldn't be more grateful for our little gift. Yet I had longed to look into eyes that were like yours. I can't believe that's never gonna happen. The pain of that is sooooo overwhelming.
I hate what I've done to my body!!!! I hate that I was out of choices only to find more choices after it was too late. I hate how this choice makes me feel, physically, spiritually and sexually. I feel so broken, torn and empty. I long to connect with you with the passion we had before! I'm so afraid it was forever ripped from me! I cry all the time. I wish you were here holding me more. But I'm also grateful not to burden you all the time.
Your so good to me! You say just the right thing! And evn that makes me cry, because you know what I need! - hate that I cry during and after making love with you. I just can't help it! I Love you so much! I want to be with you, connect with you, so even though I cry and even though I'm not having a lot of success, don't give up on me! Don't stop trying, I need to know you still want and need ME! I love you!!! RJ