My husband, my friend

by jpainter


These past six years have been a roller coaster, haven't they? God knows, we've had our downs. But we've had some really great ups, haven't we? We created two beautiful lives, and I cherish our life we've made.

I haven't been the easiest person to live with. I know, understatement of the century, huh? And you haven't either. But I think that we both give as hard as we get. Lately, you've given more than I think you have received from me. I'm so very sorry for that. I have been hormonal, in pain, and incredibly angry that my body has turned against me. But you've held my hand through it all. I know it has had to been hard to live with me throughout all of this.

I know that to a degree, you might be hurting as much as I am. I love you for trying and love you even more for working so hard to pick up my pieces. You've cooked, cleaned, taken care of our children, you've been both mom and dad lately. I'm so sorry that you've had to do this. But at the same time, I am eternally grateful for you and all of your support. I love you more now than I did the day we got married. You've shown me the love and unerring support that I craved without knowing my whole life before you came into it. You've given me stability, love, and most importantly, our children. I'm sorry that I haven't given you more.

I feel guilty that this is happening to us. I feel like I'm letting our family down. I feel like I've let you down by not being 100% or even 50% for the last two years. I know now that I've had a sometimes debilitating medical condition. But I don't feel like that excuses me from not being my best self when it comes to being a good mother and wife. For that, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I, at times, have been mean and horrible to you. I'm sorry that I yell and cry. I'm sorry that I've become a shell of the woman that you originally fell in love with. I'm just sorry.

I hope that after the surgery, things get better. I hope that the pain goes away. I hope that this desperate feeling I've had goes away. Thank you so much for supporting me and loving me through this. I think that I've always been afraid you would leave me if things got too rough. Thank you for proving me wrong. I love you darlin.

Love always,

Your girl.