To my best friend, my Paul, my life by Shasti
I don't know if you'll find this. Maybe it's more for me, I've needed to put something down in writing. Something positive.
Wow you have really stood the test of true love with me. You crawled out of a terrible marriage, and I struggled out of a bad relationship, and we met in the middle. Such serendipity! We had such good times 14,15 years ago.
Back when you were well, and I was studying, we built our first little house in the country. What big dreams I had! And I dragged you, my hostage to fortune, with me. And you came willingly, how could I be so blind as to not see that only a person truly and deeply in love with another would put up with my mad plans!
You believed in me, you helped me understand I was good enough to apply for my masters degree, and were the only one who wasn't surprised that I got in.
You stood by me through all my illnesses - the inherited 'women's problems' and stress related skin conditions. You cried with me when I was so sore and sorry - you held me and told me you loved me so much.
When, all those years ago, you had to stop working, I fought for you and your rights. I did not stop until the government paid you out what you were owed. Do you remember that last interview with the government specialist? When she said you met the requirements and would be paid out? How we sat and cried at the bus stop?
And a few years after that you were diagnosed with terminal kidney failure. I let all my own problems fall to one side as I looked after you. It wasn't your fault - how could it be? I never told you what was going on - the daily pain.
Until this year, when I got so ill I was close to death, and I had to have the TAH. Before you got ill I know you wanted kids. But it turned out ok - you told me honestly that you couldn't have beared to have kids watch you go through all this. We have so many godkids and nieces, we are blessed with children.
You sacrificed your own valuable time to rest during my diagnosis and surgery and post recovery. Even as weak in body as you have become, you still hold me, cry with me and tell me you worry about me, love me, couldn't live without me. Quite simply, I don't deserve you, but every day I feel you make me a better person.
I love you, and not a day goes by that I don't feel blessed to have you in my life. You are my best friend, my true love, my home.