Dear Justin, I'm :(.

by keilstar

I hope this is the appropriate space for writing like this - I'm not sure
Dear Justin,
Here's the link to the hubby's part of the website I've been totally consumed by for the past week, if you want it.
I've learned heaps about what is going to happen to me, what the recovery is going to be like, and reassurance that this is probably the best chance I have of leading a normal life. Apparently staining the bed, my clothes etc is not normal. Apparently bleeding 3 weeks out of 4 is not normal. Apparently not being able to concieve when there is no justifyable reason is not normal. Certainly all these symptoms have affected my state of mind terribly. So they must be affecting our marriage. Don't get me wrong, I'm not having major surgery to have an organ removed to make a marriage better.. but I am trying to take steps always to be the best woman I can be - and that's not just for me.
I don't know why I'm writing all this here. It's not that I think you don't understand. I just want you to feel like you know what we're in for too - this will be different to my breast surgery. I don't want this to happen to me - I don't like what is happening to me. I'm trying hard not to panic and make a call I'm going to regret. I'm trying to stay calm and rational, and open to whatever comes as best I can. I'm trying to give all my fear to God and not waste these days being withdrawn and nervous around you three. I don't want to be around anyone right now - and that's the opposite to how I really am. I don't want anyone to see how I really feel. I don't want to admit how I really feel. I'm really sorry (really) that this is happening to us and I can't seem to be able keep it from affecting all of you, though I try really hard.
I just want everything back the way it was
I'm sorry. I love you.