loving and slowly losing

by sanelsie

Dear Chuck, First I want to thank you for staying by my side for what you probably thought was a 'short term medical thing'. Instead, it has burdend our marriage with so many trials and tests of faith.

You have endured several funerals on my side of the family due to cancers. You have watched me go through debilitating pain which crippled my very being, you stayed with me every spare moment you had while I was in the hospital for 2 weeks and cared for me during my recovery at home. Then you stood by me when I was diagnosed with malignant melanoma. I know it is breaking your heart because there are more sites they need to remove, but I am so scared.

I have been less than an ideal wife. It seems since the day we said I do, it hasn't been the joy we were anticipating. I am sooo sorry. And I am losing you. I can sence it. After the radical hysterectomy, I have never felt the same, emotionally, sexually. I literally have no labido left - none, it is an emotion not even in my vocabulry. It has robbed me. I think I would rather have chanced cancer and lived with the pain than be robed of who I was. No one understands. And I know you can not for the life of you, understand HOW it is possible the 'desire for sex button' can be turned off. I can't explain it. I feel like an it. I hurt badly that I can't feel the desire like I did and that it is hurting you. Please please stay with me. I am trying to find a solution. I love you. When I said I do, I meant forever in sickness and in health. Things will get better. I promice - but you have to open up to me, talk to me, not wander, and believe in what I am telling you. You know what we had before. You know, if the doctor had taken me more seriously before we were married and when the symptoms were first prominent it may not have been so bad now. I don't know. But I thank you with all my heart for being my rock in getting the docs attention. I love you honey. 4 ever yours, Sandra