To Sal, with all my heart

by fibergeek

Hey sweetie!

Well, we made it through the first two weeks post-op, and you have been so incredible. I never thought that anyone could make this situation bearable, but you have.

Not only did you put up with 4 years of hardly any sex (quality, not quantity??), but you put up with all my mood swings, my worsening health, the constant forgetfulness and the times when my silly brain just wouldn't remind me to pay bills, even though the money was there! I can't even start to think about the cut-off notices that we got, and the ones that actually happened, that shouldn't have, just because I couldn't remember what it was I was supposed to do that day.

You've carried the weight and responsibility of working, simply because one of us had to and I could not. You've put up with my having to make decisions about what I did, because of my flagging energy levels, and a lot of those decisions meant putting something aside that I meant to do for you, so that something for someone else could get done instead.

You've been there when I needed to cry, and held me, which was all I really needed. You didn't try to fix it, because you knew that you couldn't, but you also never turned away, frustrated because you couldn't make it right for me.

We've been through the heartbreak of deciding that our gene pools needed to end with us, for so many medical reasons, and you've been my anchor as I've dealt with the realities of coping with the fact that I'll never have a child of my own. You've never even talked about what you're losing out on, not being a father.

You've never blinked at any of it, just asked what I needed of you, and then you did it.

You went to the doctor with me, as moral support, when I made the final decision of which surgery I was going to have, and you held me as I cried when the papers were signed and everything was a go.

The first night in the hospital, when you told me you were going to call in to work the next day so that you could spend the night with me... you were my hero. I needed you so badly at that point, but didn't know how to ask you to stay by my side. You did it without my having to ask, simply because you knew that I needed you there, even if I was drugged to the gills and slept through most of it.

Each time I woke up during the night, and saw you there in that recliner, sleeping, I fell in love with you a little bit more, and I hadn't thought that was possible. You kept waking up whenever I moved, your eyes worried until I signalled that all was well. You'd meet my eyes with that sleepy grin of yours, that grin has always melted my heart, and never more so than that night.

Since coming home, you've been supportive and attentive. You read through the doctors' notes and papers, and knew when to worry when something was going wrong, then talked me into going to the ER. It was a false alarm, but you never once griped or complained about it.

When my incision started opening and I was so worried about it, you very calmly looked at it, despite the icky-factor, and told me what was going on with it. Since then, you've been wonderful about helping me change the dressing, cleaning the wound, and everything, and made something embarrassing for me into just one more reason I love you so much.

You've done the housework, fixed the meals, and generally made me feel pampered and spoiled and loved. And you do it (mostly -grin-) without a grumble.

I have no idea what the future holds, where my hormones will take us, or what else might happen (if it can go wrong, it will, right??), but I do know this... You'll be beside me. Not out of obligation, but because that's what you do. It's where you belong, and you'll be there.

You'll be there because you love me, and you cherish the love I have for you, and no matter what else happens, we'll be together.

And as we've learned in the last 8 years, if we're together, we can make it through anything.

I love you so much, and this experience has only showed me how much more I COULD love you. I didn't know that love could go this deep, or mean this much. But I do now.

You truly are my knight in shining armor, my one true love, my lifemate, my best friend.

I love you.
Your Doni