life fter hyst

by Penguin2005

Dearest Aaron
I have wanted to sit with you and tell you this face to face for a while. I know that what I went through changed me. I can't put my finger on how, but I feel differnt inside. I hope that we can get through this and be like we were before.
It took some getting used to the idea of no more kids. I know that you daid that you didn't want anymore. But I wanted just one more. That is why all the tears late at night. It was really hard to see that decision be so final. I know that I should be happy with the two that we have. That they are happy and healthy. I am happy for that. But I am a greedy woman I want it all.
I want that right to make my own decision and not feel like I had to make it or that I had it made for me. I really knew that it was for the best. Otherwise the cancer would have spread. But how dare god do this to me. I am not a mean person. I did not deserve this. I am loving and kind. I love my family and my children. I just wanted to be the one in charge of my own life.
We have had to overcome so much in the past. I know that lately we have had some hard times. I also know that we can make it through anything that we have thrown at us if we stick together.
Please do not judge me by this letter. I am a mess inside right now. Hormones are all over the place. I just wish that I could figure out what I am supposed to do with my life now. The girls are old enough to be in school. I feel like a mom blob who is not useful anymore. I can't have anymore kids, so I am not needed anymore right? I really am so confused. Just please bear with me. I know that I couldn't handle it if we started having more problems than we do already. I love you. That will never change.
Your loving wife