My Everything

by HS76

Iím sorry that I donít give you enough attention, Iím sorry that our sex life is dull, Iím sorry that I am not the same woman you married. I try so hard not to be selfish, I know you have needs; I try to meet them even when I donít physically feel up to it. And even then you said that I acted like it was a chore . . . Do you know that I sometimes feel like my insides are being raked when we are intimate? Have you ever considered that sex might be the last thing on my mind when every female part of me aches on a daily basis? Do you know how frustrating it is that the only drug that relieves my symptoms makes sex uncomfortable and unwanted? I know you donít understand my anger, you donít understand why I find it so hard to forgive. I felt like you abandoned me. You admitted you were being selfish, thatís a start. Does it make the heartache go away? No, but maybe time will. Please donít say things because thatís what you should say. Please donít stay with me because you feel obligated, ďin sickness and in healthĒ. You need to be honest with yourself and with me. A hysterectomy is not a miracle cure. There is a long and very painful road ahead. Honey, I love you with all my soul and all my heart. I need you to think carefully and be 100% committed to this, not because itís what you should do but because itís what you want to do. We havenít even scratched the surface and if you canít deal with it and be supportive, Iíd rather go through it alone. At least Iíd know that I could be selfish and not worry about meeting anyone elseís needs. At least Iíd know that you still have a chance to have a family, even if itís without me. At least Iíd know that I havenít ruined your life and your dreams. Iím so sorry that our lives will never be what we imagined them to be. If you love me as you did 8 years ago, if I am still your ďeverythingĒ then I know we can make this work and I know I can forgive. But despite what happens, you will always have the very best part of me, you will always have my heart, my love, forever and always.