My Precious Husband

There are not enough words in the world for me to describe how I feel about you. You came into my life at a time I didn't think I was ready...but you gave me so much love...compassion...understanding...trust...and honesty...that I knew I had found something special in you. You had never been married...had no baggage...but me on the other hand had been divorced and had enough baggage for the both of us. You saw something special in me that I couldn't even see in myself. Over the 7 years that we have been together you have taught me so many things...and you have literally changed my life. We met going into our 40's...and I knew you wanted children...so we married...made our goals for our life together...and started working towards them. We have acheived those goals...all of them...except for having a child. We went through a miscarriage...and were then told I could never have a child. I can't begin to express to you how sorry I am about that. But you...you never put guilt on me...never made me feel less than a whole person...which is the way I made myself feel. You continued to take my hand...hug me...tell me you loved me...and we would move forward. Well...a few weeks ago when I had my hysterectomy...I was feeling so bad. Aside from the pain...and mood swings...I was so worried and guilt ridden because that thought of having a child was now and forever going to be in the past. I wasn't worried for me so much...as I was for you. We have always told each other that we were there for each other no matter what...and we would move heaven and earth to help each other accomplish our goals in life. Well...giving you a child was a goal I would never be able to accomplish. I was devestated. You never even hinted to me that you were upset about that...you just...as usual...would take my hand...hug me...tell me you love me...and everything would be fine. You have a strong faith...you know that everything in life happens for a reason...and you tell me this was just something that wasn't meant to be...and you are able to move on. I know with your help I will be able to do that at some point...but for right now I wanted you to know I am scared...and hurt that I have let you down...and I am disapointed in myself...even though I know it was nothing I had control over. I love you with every fiber in my being...my soul...my heart. I wanted you to know that I appreciate you...you're an incredible husband...incredible friend...lover...and the best support system I could have ever hoped for. I know that no matter what I'm thinking or feeling...I can go to you and talk to you openly and honestly...without fear of upsetting you...offending you...or hurting you...and you will listen to me...and help me to figure things out. I know that together you and I can make it through anything...no matter how bad...as long as we work together. I have learned that it is ok to agree to disagree...as long as we stand strong together...communicate...and respect each others thoughts and feelings. Thank you for choosing me...thank you for loving me...and thank you for being the person that you are.